We’ve convinced ourselves that if we don’t do it all, we aren’t good moms. But if you really try to do that, you will suffocate.

 
As moms, we see, we hear, and we know… everything. We have eyes in the back of our head and seemingly a GPS locator for just about everything in our house. Right… nothing is lost until mom can’t find it.

Motherhood brings on a mental load that so many of us are just unprepared for (I know I wasn’t). I’ve always prided myself on systems, organization, and getting shit done but damn… motherhood takes it all to a whole new level.

 
Listen to this… I have messed up Kinsley’s doctor’s appointments twice. Not once, but twice! The first time, I missed it completely. The second time, I packed her up at got all the way into the clinic for them to tell me the appointment was tomorrow. Remember I told you I took pride in my organization and handling all the things… I dropped the ball. And do you know what I learned from that after my frustration and feelings of failure wore off… I learned that I was overwhelmed and I needed to make a change.

 
So let’s talk a little bit about the mental load of motherhood. This includes the planning and coordinating of day-to-day activities of the household. These are things such as

• Making and attending doctor’s appointments… Hmmm.
• Meal planning
• Rotating clothes, shoes, and toys as things are outgrown
• Making sure the gymnastics outfit is washed or the baseball uniform is clean
• Ordering diapers
• Purchasing a gift for the neighbor kid’s birthday party next weekend
• Researching developmental milestones, parenting tips, nutrition needs
• Keeping stock of food and toiletries to restock
• Knowing where everything is in the house
• Organizing everyone’s schedules and keeping track of who goes where
• Knowing the early release days, play dates, Christmas programs, field trips and science fairs.
• Packing the diaper bag
• Finding fun family activities to do

We could go on with those forever! Despite our stride toward gender equality… the majority of the work falls on mothers. There is research that proves it but lets just be honest. How many of those examples I mentioned are you… the mother… responsible for? I’d be willing to bet the majority, if not all of them.

 
Now I just want to pause and say many dads have an invisible load too… but hardly. My husband is great and anything I ask him to do, he will do; however, the mental load remains when we need to ask them to do something. That helps with the physical load but not the mental.

 
So let’s talk about how to lighten the mental load!

Write down what you do every day. By having a physical list of all you do for your household, you might notice how much you contribute. This will make your work more visible, even if just to you.

Yup, you need to have a conversation. Start with, “I’m really overwhelmed and need your help.” Then see where it takes you. Use your list!

Do you find yourself thinking “If I don’t do it, it’ll be done wrong.” Stop that! The way your partner does things probably isn’t wrong; it’s just different. Let your partner take something off your list and let ‘em run!

This tends to be my bread and butter and I do this type of thing in all areas of my life. So can you relate to this… maybe you asked… can you check her back pack and make sure she has everything she needs. Which is then followed by… “what does she need?” Ok… its going to be easier to just do it myself if I need to walk you through step by step anyway. So while I would love for your partner to be able to figure that out on their own… that’s a bit more lengthy process. So this is how we fix it in our house… create a list of what needs to be packed. Create a list for everything! List of what needs to be in diaper bag. List of what needs to be packed for daycare. List of what needs to be packed for an overnight. I’m even working on a laminated list (with pictures) so Kinsley knows exactly what to do each morning before school. This allows others to be able to help me or It takes a lot of thinking out of the process even if I have to do it myself.

Sharing with other people who know what you’re experiencing can make a world of difference. That’s why I created Moms in Motion! I wanted a community of mommas to have a safe place for you to know that you aren’t alone, pick up a few tips, and maybe laugh a little too!

The mental load of motherhood is a common vicious cycle.  One parent (often the mom) becomes the default parent. That default parent takes on a disproportionate amount of labor in the home. They find themselves drowning.  If you are finding yourself in this space... I encourage you to take action.  

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